✒ 10 Great Tips On How To Find True Friends
The friendships we make as adults are more likely to last, as we have a clearer sense of what we’re looking for and are more realistic about the fact that no one is perfect. – unknown
You can have hundreds of people that follow you on Facebook, that like and share your mind-sparks.
But only a few special ones will be able to earn your trust, respect and deep desire to hold on to them, come what may.
These are the true friendships I want to inspire you to find, form and maintain.
Here are some tips, that might help you on your quest.
1. There is always space and time for a new friendship.
No matter how busy your life may has become, sometimes every single one of us is in need of a true friend.
And since it is a cruel fact, that friendships don’t last forever… we all know that there will always be other people out there, looking for new friends, just like you.
But true friends don’t just fall from the skies. If you want to meet new people, you need to put yourself out there.
2. Easy ways to find new people
- Get closer with one of your acquaintances, people you already know… maybe you love chatting to one of your colleagues or neighbours, but never really thought of taking it further.
- Look online – there are as many opportunities as sand on the beach, to meet people. Interest based meet-up sites, social networks, forums, etc. … Skype is a beautiful platform to stay in contact with each other. You can see the people you are talking to and be sure that they are the person they are making out to be, (as sure as you could be at a one-on-one meeting in person anyway). And video calls are for free. You could have coffees, dinners and even candle light baths together, without being awkward. Anytime. Anywhere.
- Say “Yes” to party invitations. You never know, who might be there. Unexpected strangers can appear at any occasion.
- Sign up for something new – Take some You-time and join a weekly sports, volunteer or creative group. One of the reasons other people join groups like these, is, you guessed it: to meet other people.
3. The right approach
Using the appropriate social skills can be difficult, when you are nervous about the first date.
Don’t feel ashamed of wanting a new friend. Everybody needs human contact. As friends are the sunshine of life.
And don’t make finding your new BFF a big thing. The pressure you put on yourself can ruin the mood and the purpose of you finding happiness.
What is the worst that could happen? You could be rejected by a person you hardly know? Bummer!
If that person doesn’t like you for who you are, your friendship wouldn’t have worked out in the long run anyway… being rejected just saves you time in the early stage. Move on.
When you do meet, don’t be pushy. Stay relaxed and be yourself and you won’t look needy or desperate.
Be open, smile and listen. Keep eye contact and keep up with the conversation. Let your new friend speak without interrupting her/him and don’t hop topics, while your opposite is elaborating about something she/he seems to be passionate about. Keep an interest in what she/he is saying.
Respect always pays out.
4. Don’t rush it – good things take time
Start with a “Hello” and a small conversation. If it is likely that you meet again soon, there is no rush in getting a contact number. Plan step-by-step each time you meet, what you are aiming for next (a possibility to contact each other outside the occasional meet-ups, a coffee date with just the two of you to get to know each other a little better, or a night out with mutual fiends…).
Leave your new friend time to reply to your messages. Life happens, while you are busy making other plans, right? So whenever she/he doesn’t answer as quick as you’d hoped, she/he might just be busy with something more important… maybe making memories, she/he will tell you all about the next time you are out together.
Don’t overwhelm your person of interest. You want their trust, not to be their STALKER.
Take it easy! If it is meant to be to happen, it will.
5. Chose an établissement that reflects your own preferences and interests.
Don’t go to a loud dance club to meet with new people, if you are a coffee house type. You won’t be able to find a place and atmosphere to hang out in together, which you are both entirely happy with and comfortable in, if your social preferences differ too much.
When you meet new people, chose a place you both can be yourself in, relax, chill and bond.
6. Saying just the right things…
Small talk can be for some people a necessary evil, for others the main therapeutic value a friendship can bring. But only through the small talk you get to know each other.
Be honest and don’t change your opinion according to your new friend’s one. Many people are rather put off by yes-sayers and weak people with no own opinion. Why asking someone for their opinion if they agree to everything you say? You might as well talk to a mirror.
That doesn’t mean to disagree on everything either. Just be yourself and confident. Know, that your own opinion matters. Because it does. That’s why we have friends – to back us up and also to tell us when we’re wrong.
Having a different opinion can be the start of THE conversation that will bring you two together.
A conversation with a true friend should always feel easy and natural and reflect both of your characters.
7. Intimacy builds over time and shouldn’t be rushed.
Don’t say too much too soon. Overwhelming someone with intimate details at the first few dates can make the other feel uncomfortable to be around you and may ruin every possibility of a lasting friendship right there.
Build up some trust first. Then ask for her/his advise in one of your matters, instead of constantly complaining about your life. You don’t want to come across as a low-mooded energy vampire, that drains people of their good vibrations.
8. How does it make you feel?
Things you have in common don’t count as much as how the relationship with this other person makes you feel.
It certainly helps to have similar interests, to find topics to talk about and things you can do together. But sometimes opposites can be of quite productive value also, in every way.
Example: My best friend and I have little in common. We don’t even live in the same country. But we make time for each other, talk regularly for hours, learn from each others differences and experiences and support each other in times of need.
True friendships are mainly about how they make you feel. And they should make you feel happy, understood and excited to be with the other person. Like you have found your long lost sibling.
They should also give you the feeling of being worthy, when you’ve hit rock bottom. And show you, that you are not alone in this world, when you need to hear that fact the most.
Friends are people, that are there for you and that let you be there for them, that accept and appreciate all your little imperfections – and maybe even love you for them.
They are for you, what you want to be for them. Family members that you can chose.
9. Gestures of appreciation
From little occasional presents, that will remind them of you; to you being the one that is there for them, when they need someone to talk to at 3am, desperate and lost.
Actions say more than words. Being there for each other is the ultimate proof of a friendship/love relationship. Make th effort and you will be paid back with love, respect and gratitude.
10. A friendship goes a long way and has to be nurtured and developed.
You may both know instantly, that you are the perfect BFFs for each other. But like every other success story and love relationship, a great friendship needs a lot of work and time investment throughout the years. People change, lives change and things will happen, that will test your friendship and bring you to your limits.
But a true friendship will last, because of kindness and trust, respect and love.
Beware: A friendship should never be only one-sided.
If you don’t get as much satisfaction out of your friendship as the other person seems to get; an honest talk and reflection is on the to-do list for the both of you.
Don’t lose yourself in your relationship and be the only one that gives. Users are losers and shouldn’t be supported.
Life is precious! And whatever you do and with whomever you mingle, will always be a part of you and your past. Un-erasable. – MT
I wish for every single one of you out there, that you’ll find a friend to die for; a soul mate or such; as there is nothing like the joy of that moment, when you realise that you are accepted, understood and loved. Somewhere, by someone. Unconditionally.
Photo by: eflon